You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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