my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
