I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
false alarm. still invincible.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think we might need a safe word for this...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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