my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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