Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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