You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
