Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
