Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
