I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
