Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
either way he was missing a nipple.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
