I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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