you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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