Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
