is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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