i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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