Can i not drive my cunt home
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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