Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
