if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
