you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
