I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
