NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
