I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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