Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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