Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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