so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
