The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
