Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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