My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize