As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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