Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
