I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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