Pappa wants mamma naked
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize