Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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