i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize