so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
