A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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