I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
