hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
