Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
