so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
