theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
