So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
