I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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