apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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