So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
