Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
