the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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