At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
