I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
