At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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