someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
