once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
