is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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