He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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