Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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