I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
only you would photoshop your dick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
