Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
operation harelip BJ is a go
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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