You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
