I'm really into asian looking animals
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
