I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
