Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
