So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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