I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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