I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
