Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
