My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
