Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
