so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
