No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
