Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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