there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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