Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
