gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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