I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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