you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
