Your dad touched me again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize