I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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