My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Drunk is not a location!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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