Joe is yelling at the trees again.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
