It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
