Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize