we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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