i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
